User blog:Gunman6/Insipid Moments in WHITE HOUSE DOWN
I could care less whether this claims to be campy/cheese/schlock, whatever or if it's dead-serious, main point is: it's a rather brain-damaging movie. Here's some laughable moments (most are from the beginning, that's how problematic it is): * We spend twenty minutes without any actual set-up and don't learn much of anything about any of these main characters. Starpower alone isn't enough to accommodate that feature. * Our main character John Cale unloads his weapon at a secured entrance and then puts it in a suitcase. Why the hell didn't he already put it in there? Unacceptable in a 9/11 scenario. * There have been plenty of dirty bombs planted in all sorts of places but this terrorist disguised as a janitor would still need clearance, let alone be apprehended if he was deemed one bit suspicious. * Also, I'm a corrupt politician (played by Richard Jenkins) betraying my country, the last place I wish to be is in the iconic location I've chosen to hire equally badass minions to plant a bomb that they'll eventually set off in! Who thinks in that logic in even Looney Tunes standards? * Jason Clarke's character is never established as all that much of a villain, let alone a tertiary villain and gets a forgettable entrance. The fact that I can't even remember his name let alone only acknowledge him because of the actor is showing how all the more shitty this is becoming. I don't ask that you be Hans Gruber in every single DHS film but how do you waste the talent best known for Brotherhood, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes and Terminator: Genisys. Also, was that joke about him being diabetic really necessary, let alone all that great sounding on paper? You don't just throw out rather harsh material like that unless your film truly is supposed to be that over-the-top. * Also, why would anyone think that spending time with your child by taking a random tour of the White House would be any fun. Wait until your kid has any interest in history, let alone their country's inheritance before you randomly drag them along to your dangerous line of work. * Also, none of the Secret Service agents are on alert, let alone stealthy. They're all standing around, jumping out in the open and willingly opening their doors to unscheduled "security visits." Does any screenwriter ACTUALLY believe that these people don't check and make sure everyone is in the place they're scheduled to be working? This film makes so many jokes about people being paid to do their various assignments yet goes the pretentious route by acting like every other person isn't doing their job correctly. Hell, come to think of it, it's unlikely they were that deep. They're not in a war zone, they're in the freaking White House and everyone walks at the speed of molasses not worried the slightest. There's the element of surprise and then there's just being absurd. * Also, why the hell isn't the Speaker of the House given much of a role? He's not with the rest of the Pentagon crew figuring out a sound solution. Instead, he keeps contradicting himself going "I don't want to do anything? I just want the gov't to stop crashing" blah blah blah when he was just given an option of removing the currently absent President from power so that he could help rescue the Commander-in-Chief. * Why does the President almost always by himself? You're honestly telling me he only has around six SS agents and no other staff with him meeting him in the PEOC? * Why is Lance Reddick's character speaking like an African warlord/general? He's obviously meant to be a Colin Powell type and doesn't even talk that way in his real life or interviews? Did he decide to have some fun with this one-note role? * This film seems to be attempting so many random issues and yet is like 2007's Shooter yet with poor handling of real-life referencing and political bashing. Remember the scene in that latter film where they instantly establish one of the corrupt politicians as a Dick Cheney type? That's simple and straight to the point without being "in-your-face" annoying. This film seems to want to make vague half-baked references to real-life issues and yet doesn't seem to know how to make sense out of any of it so instead of focusing on some underlying theme to mention, they just throw out enough that they hope it makes all these random utterings instantly become all the more relevant when none of them are period. What's with the random biased news anchor being one of the hostages? He's clearly a Rush Limbaugh clone and like any decent person, I truly dislike that man but this isn't a political thriller, it's a stupid action movie and just throwing it out there isn't doing anything for anyone. * What are the chances a SS agent's wife also happens to work for the Vice President? Just putting that out there; I'll wait for an answer.... * Also, why does that aforementioned character feel like putting the President on hold? WTF thinks that way, let alone does that? There was nothing urgent, it was just another professional person acting unprofessional in a rather serious movie. Why even bother making something like this again??? * If I'm a SS agent jumping across a table, I'm totally going to be letting out random "Wuhhh"s and other inaudible noises as I touch down on the floor. He doesn't come off as a well-trained security team, only a random * What President wears sneakers? Jamie Foxx's character seems like the type who's rather classy and well-educated and yet randomly lets out random slang. "Joint"? Really?? * Did I mention how unneeded this kid is? I'm sure the young actress is solid in her own right but she * Jimmi Simpson's character is supposedly NSA but he's way too young to be employed for a gov't administration of that sort, let alone just hides out and doesn't use any real spy equipment, just hacks. Best had they kept that aspect of his background a little vague, let alone, developed these terrorists as soon as we see them on-screen. Instead, we wait another forty minutes through lifeless shoot-outs and other failed tension building before we know a damn thing about these already bland villains. * Many of the other supporting actors are often reliable yet (I don't know if this is part of the editing or Roland Emmerich's typical direction) sound like they're reading their lines off of paper napkins. Either look interested (no matter the film's quality) or just don't bother acting period. * Every other room looks hardly any different from the other. Lighting them differently couldn't even hide the fact that they're often just steel walls with reflecting overheads. We get it Emmerich, you wanted to create a realistic looking White House but just showing it in every other shot isn't doing the trick especially when this movie is unrealistic. Why would you bother? It's like if you were to make a realistic * During the infamous White House lawn car chase, both the terrorists and Cale act so surprised as to the surroundings of this whole area. You're telling me that none of these people know anything inside and out about the very place they've invade/defend every day? * Are we really supposed to like a President who is all for possibly risking the lives of hostages by ordering the military to blast various terrorists off the roof of the White House? It's impossible to get even the most callous military head on-board that idea, let alone do so without having severe casualties and creating more damage to the infrastructure? * Wow, the villains honestly bought our hero's bluff that he'll shoot the President if they come any closer? This movie is continuing to dig it's own grave. * Another big reveal for the villains; this time it's for James Woods' character (and I'll gladly let you wade through this atrocity in order to see it to believe it) and while this concept of could've worked in far more capable hands, it just feels like the movie has realized it's out of ideas so now it's gasping at straws by this point. * Maggie Gyllenhaal is already playing a rather passable character and now she's suddenly let go by Reddick's character just for doing her job. Does this movie even want us to relate to anyone, let alone give a damn? Why does she keep speaking in this squeaky monotone voice? She never talks this way in other films she's done, not even in her miscast role for The Dark Knight! * Oh poor baby! Our insecure main character, Cale, is still doing dandy yet the President is wounded and giving deathbed-worthy talk while the former tells us more lousy details about his shitty existence. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US, MOVIE? * Speaker of the House's aide randomly gets annoyed and claims our General (Reddick's character) is being rather demeaning in his tone towards the President when who could tell? It's the same stupid voice he's been talking in the entire time! * The Special Forces rescue team bothers to fly low near the ground yet doesn't bother to consider all the trapped civilians on the ground who might be injured or scared by them flying low. Who writes this shit? * The first Special Forces copter is shot down and magically rotates towards the terrorists firing missiles at it and fails in it's kamikaze run. This is followed by a slow motion shot of the US flag being taken down in the crash as well. Why is this here again? What side are we rooting for again?? * Our hero is mistaken and randomly unmistaken by the Special Forces team for being someone they're committing friendly fire on when he doesn't look any different than all the other armed goons. * This musical score is starting to truly tank by the remaining segments. It's like even they are confused by the tone this film is doing for and are just going "F it, just get this thing finished on time!" * Random shot of the annoying tour guide almost being cut in half by rotating helicopter wreckage. Another annoying-ass shot on display * The 747 is shot down at the very last minute. Why were our villains waiting all this time just to do this? There was no foreshadowing nor concept of this ever in mind and now it's just truly smelling of "hack filmmaking." * A hostage has just been shot and injured, yet not killed. Oh, doesn't matter, just another lame exercise in violence that neither serves any point nor does it illustrate anything about this already one-dimensional villain Mr. Clarke unfortunately has to show for on his resume. * Oh goody, now the White House must be blown up? There's still hostages inside but you, the viewer, might've already forgot that due to how little they've been shown. This movie is batshit crazy. Please, movie, just go to hell already. Whether it's in a hand basket or down my asshole, I couldn't care less. * Oh boy, now Mr. Cale must save his daughter. The President is surrendering himself and still in sneakers. Didn't they wish to kill him earlier? If Cale and Maggie's character are able to constantly communicate back-and-forth ever so often, how come they aren't constantly updating each other? Does that just make too much sense, let alone a huge lick of sense!?!? * Simpson's character has just erased his personal data. What personal data? We don't even know where his lair is and it's unlikely any moron character in this movie is going to find out anytime soon! * Great, more of James Woods trying to outact Jamie Foxx. Foxx seems rather confident while Mr. Woods just looks bored so he's just playing his already outspoken self. Hey, if I was saddled with something this atrocious, I'd still make an effort of it and have fun with it, maybe ham it way the hell up but nope, Mr. Woods is going for dreary and it's just boring me shitless right now. * Oh great, the daughter now has a gun up to her head and is crying. Why is this shot from three different angles again? One shot was enough. * Our hero is setting the White House on fire and throwing more grenades in addition to jumping around more. * Kevin Rankin's character doesn't seem one bit exhausted and does the cliche every lesser action movie loves to do which is attempt to monologue before being killed by another annoying protagonist. Remember that annoying tour guide guy I ranted about earlier? He carries the honor of claiming Rankin's character's life and follows it up with another cringe-induced one-liner while he locks and loads. What kind of person is he supposed to be in this film? He's not comic relief, he's not been an established hero at all until just now and where he did manage gun training? He's a tour guide for gawd sake's! * Oh great, a submarine's missile launch codes have just been magically activated. Please kill me now! * Tatum's just been thrown around for about the fifth time in a row and it's just as unimpressive this time around as it was the last many times this film forced those series of events upon us. * This film doesn't just feel like it was made for the '80s but like a lesser '80s movie altogether. Clarke and Tatum are fighting in the rain and it ends with another grenade tampering scene. Where does Tatum get all these freaking grenades? How many explosions can this White House take? It's one tough cookie apparently. * The military is now telling all civilians and the press to clear the area for the incoming air strike ordered on the WH. Why are they just now doing this? Morons, morons, morons! All of you!! * Are we supposed to like Tatum's Mr. Cale now that he has just mowed down Wood's main character using a gatling gun attachment? Did he not bother thinking how that gun's sound is going to possibly injure both his and his daughter's hearing?? Are we supposed to consider him any better a man than any of these other bloodthirsty terrorists by acting just as animalistic as them??? This movie has no concept of morals or character development even for a mindless blockbuster. *The president was shot earlier but of course he miraculously survives and we don't care either way by then. * "This isn't over yet," says Gyllenhaal's character. Are you kidding? I'm pretty sure half the audience is done with this suckfest. * 15 minutes are left in this crappola, I'm not sure I'll make it... * Jenkin's character is now revealed as the main traitor and he has a stupid-ass ringtone. Is this meant for comedy or what because there's again no consistent tone with this trash fest. * "Get this trash off my lawn," shout Foxx's character. Why wasn't our President saying something this hip earlier? He's waiting way too late to say anything worth shouting out, let alone something just awesome by action-movie standards. 0/10 Stars for this entire, wretched excuse for a piece of celluloid the public dubs as a movie, let alone entertainment! 7/10 Stars are worthy if we're going by "So-Bad-It's-Good" standards but even then it's a chore for a bad movie lover like me. Category:Blog posts